Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
