I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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