my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
4 words: hood of his car
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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