Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
