My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize