I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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