Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
