I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
