u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
