My nipple is on Facebook.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
