it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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