Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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