i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
