I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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