I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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