bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize