yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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