hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
