I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
