me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
