sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
