She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
