The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
