i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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