I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize