Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
