He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
