I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize