So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was born a porn star she said
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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