K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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