He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
