So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
