Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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