I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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