i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm at about main and main street
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
