You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
