The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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