glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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