I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
