highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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