nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
