her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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