Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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