mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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