She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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