I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
