tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
