Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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