dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
