Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
