He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
