So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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