I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
