well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
