I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize