just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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