feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
