yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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