I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize