in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
