You're so nebulous sometimes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
