Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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