hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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