cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
