I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
