I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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