after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
