Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
