she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
