I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
