you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
