I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
