So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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