In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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