At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
