My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You can't motorboat a personality
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
