I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
