dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
