If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
