Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize