Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
