worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize