What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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